Being A Nobody
by travelingtwilight
Summary: Axel has managed to convince Roxas to come back to the World That Never Was and Roxas begins to remember what it was like to be a Nobody.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A young man, nearing the age of seventeen stood in the shadows of an alley, watching the people pass. He had no purpose, no reason and no idea why he felt compelled to watch the mindless activities of mindless people. Yet, he felt that he needed to be here, that something was calling him. He shut his eyes and scoffed, talking quietly to the stale air around him. "Don't tell me to come and then not show me anything…" He opened one eye again as he felt someone pass by. It was a young boy, no older than sixteen sulking down the road, eyes to the ground and sneering as he walked. His hair was a light sandy brown and stood up in all ways, having no set direction. As the boy passed, the young man shrunk back into the shadows again, leaning against the wall. "Roxas?" A shaky voice sounded out amongst the shadows. "Is it really you?" The young man stepped out from the shadowed alleyway. The movement caught the sulking boy's attention. He stopped and looked at the boy who had come from the shadows. He was tall, though perhaps the mound of spiky red hair added to the illusion of his height. Slender and yet sturdy, he was half crouched, as if expecting an ambush. His charcoal eyes were full of wonder as he studied the younger boy in front of him. "You look like Roxas…"

"That's because I am Roxas." The shorter boy answered sharply, his cerulean eyes narrowing at the mentioning of his name. Roxas stood as straight as he could, compensating for the height difference. His voice held no fear or emotion, just simple curiosity. "Who are you?"

The red haired man flashed a quick, uneasy smile. "C'mon, Roxas, quit messing around. It hasn't been that long since you ran away. You've gotta remember me." He waited for a response and got none, causing the smile to disappear and a wounded expression to appear on his face. "You really don't remember, do you…"

"You can't remember anyone you haven't met before."

The reply was soft and slow. "It's me. Axel." Axel watched as a flicker of annoyance spread across Roxas' face. "What happened to you? You're acting like I'm some stranger on the street."

"You are some stranger on the street." Roxas said, lowering himself into a defensive position. "I don't know who you are, or how you know me, but you need to leave. Now." He tightened his fists and gave Axel a dirty look. "Only freaks play in the shadows…"

Axel straightened himself out and chuckled. "How soon we forget… I'm not the only one who plays in the shadows, Roxas." He took a tentative step towards him, his eyes burning into Roxas'. "Look at me, Roxas. Is there even a small glimmer of recognition?"

Roxas met Axel's fire-gaze with his own and concentrated on the charcoal eyes ahead of him. They held nothing; no emotion, no light and had no end. They were pools of obsidian, against an angular face that held a fraction of memory. As he lost himself deeper into the depths of that face, blankets of repressed memories folded over him. The Organization, the KeyBlade, and the chance to find Himself, they all rushed over him in a resounding wave. "The Flurry of Dancing Flames…" He said hollowly, his eyes stuck in an expression of awe. Axel remained silent at the mention of his name; content to watch Roxas remember his past.

Roxas stood still, letting the memories seep back into his brain. How could he have forgotten the Organization? It was the only home he knew before Twilight Town. It was the closest thing he'd ever had for a family, save for Hayner's parents that took him in when he arrived in Twilight Town. But they were a fake comfort. They could never be his actual family no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that they were. Each breath brought in a new memory, a new feeling that he had worked so hard to forget. He remembered going to see the doctor in hopes of learning how to delete memories. The doctor held no merit in physical health, but everyone in Twilight Town respected Dr. Diz as a psychologist. At first Dr. Diz laughed at his inquiry of how to destroy memories. _"It is not wise to fool around with the Heart's memories, Roxas. Only grief will come of it."_ Roxas heard the doctor say in his head_. "You must keep your past to preserve your present. You wouldn't want to lose the person you are now, would you?"_ Dr. Diz faded in his mind and ceased to be, falling back into the pools of memories. "I don't exist, do I?"

Axel crossed his arms as an amused smile spread across his lips. "You're just as Nonexistent as me, Roxie. Glad to see you're finally remembering who you are." He paused, shook his head then laughed. "Or who you aren't, depending on how you see it."

Once again Dr. Diz appeared in his mind, holding a small machine similar to a toaster in shape, with four plugs hanging off it. _"Are you sure about this, Roxas?"_ Dr. Diz called to him, holding the machine delicately. _"You'll never be able to fully remember who you were again. It will be as if you are half a person."_ Roxas closed his eyes and mouthed along with the memory. _"I already am half a person. It is my choice to leave the past behind in hopes of gaining a future."_ His eyes slowly opened as he could feel the plugs on his chest above his heart and on either side of the back of his head. He felt the pain as small needles pierced his skin, targeting his heart and brain. Tears sprung up in his eyes at the remembrance of the pain as the memories were pulled out from him. Gone was the KeyBlade, gone was the Organization, and no longer was he a Nobody. Only one thing remained from his past, the memory of two charcoal eyes peering at him, full of emotion, full light and full of love.

"Axel?" Roxas called out as the eyes faded from his mind. He shook himself free of the memories, coming back to the present. "Why did I leave the Organization?"

Axel lost his smile and became expressionless. He began to pace around, attempting to put the words together. "You left for the KeyBlade and for your True Self." He stopped moving, choosing instead to concentrate on the ground. "And yet you end up here, in Twilight Town, with no memories of the Organization, being a Nobody or of me…" He wildly shook his head, causing his red hair to resemble a bon fire. "Though, it is kind of ironic that you end up in a place called Twilight Town. Maybe the name's what attracted you when you left? Still. It's beyond me how you got here. It took me nearly a year to track you down. If it wasn't for the Corridors, I'd still be back at the Skyscraper."

"The Corridors?"

Axel threw up his hands in disbelief. "You don't remember the Corridors? Oh come on, Roxas! That's how we Nobodies travel." Axel turned away from Roxas and held out his palm. A few feet away a murky black portal appeared. Axel turned back, a satisfied grin on his face. "Ring any bells?"

Roxas shook his head wildly, amazed at the sight. "How did you…?"

"Oh, man. Have we got some work to do…" Axel said, laughing playfully. He held out his hand towards Roxas. "Come on. We've got to get you out of here. Twilight Town just isn't big enough for us two."

Taking Axel's outstretched hand, Roxas stepped forward, eyes still large from the shock of seeing the Corridor appear. He paused at the mouth of the portal and looked at Axel only to be met with a huge smile. "Don't worry, you don't exist. It's not like you can die."

With one long breath, Roxas plunged into the Dark, pushing more memories of his Nobody self away. "Even if I can't die," Roxas said to the walls of the Corridor, "I'm still afraid." But yet he still walked on, hand in hand with Axel, as Twilight Town shrunk into the distance.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"It's hard to say exactly where we'll end up. The Corridors aren't known for precision." Axel said as he strode along the flowing Dark walls of the Corridor. "I hope to be around Betwixt and Between. A quick walk through there and we're home free. Back to the World that Never Was."

Roxas nodded slowly, pretending to understand what Axel was saying. His mind was elsewhere, as the memories of his Nobody life came back to him. He was the Key of Destiny, the 13th member of Organization XIII and the youngest one. He tried to avoid the other members, keeping mostly to himself and his plans. Only Axel had managed to break through to him. With his ever-present smile and charm, Axel was the only friend Roxas had. The other members were too distant and too goal oriented to be considered friends. Axel had his own goals of course, but he was more than just a plan. Roxas felt that when his own plan went into action, Axel would be an irreplaceable ally. Though, Roxas realized, even when he was in the Organization he didn't know what his plans were. Larxene had her plans involving a boy outside of the Organization and Xemnas had his own plans with Kingdom Hearts. When it came to those two and their plans, Roxas steered clear. Axel, however, was constantly switching sides with Larxene and Xemnas, always joking to Roxas that he loved to see their confused faces when he switched on them. But Roxas had no goal in mind, just a will to leave and find something. More often than not, he felt misplaced, as if someone were looking for him. The constant feeling of being lost left him depressed most of the time, or at least that's what he thought depression would feel like. "It's hard to know emotion when you're a Nobody…" Roxas said softly, looking down at the Darkness at his feet.

Axel paused and looked over at Roxas. "Well, yeah, of course it is. We have no emotion. We have no Hearts." He shrugged and continued to walk on, leaving Roxas behind. "But we're great actors."

"Right. Actors…" Roxas pushed himself forward to catch up with Axel. "Don't we have any emotion left at all?"

Axel shook his head again, a small smile on his face. "I couldn't tell you. It's hard to know anything about Nobodies, at least those who kept their bodies. We've got no Hearts, sure, but we've still got a Soul. So I guess it depends. Does the Soul hold any feelings?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly. So, why sweat it? We are the Nonexistent ones. We can't change it, so we should just live with it. At least being Twilight beings we don't have to stress over Light and Dark."

"What do you mean, 'Twilight beings'?"

Axel stopped in the middle of the Corridor and sat down. "Take a seat, Roxie. Looks like this Corridor's a long one and we've got to talk." Roxas sat, cautious about sitting on the seemingly insubstantial floor. "All right. You asked me about Twilight, which might be a mistake. I don't know much about it, or much about anything for that matter." Axel laid his head back against the wall and sighed. "The world has two parts, a Light Realm and a Dark Realm. The Light Realm is sort of like what Twilight Town is. It's just a bunch of people, living their lives, feeling and eventually forgetting everything in their Hearts. The Realm of Darkness is opposite that. There's no one living there, it just has creatures that pass through it. The things that go through there are the remains of people from the Light Realm. A person is a Heart, a Body and a Soul. The Dark Realm takes away the person's Body and Soul, leaving them with just a Heart. The Darkness also makes the Heart realize its deepest desires. A person who has accepted Darkness cannot travel into the Light Realm easily. They must find a place with corruption already, even if it's only the beginning of it. If they can find one glimmer of Darkness, they are able to enter and stay for as long as they need. In the Light Realm, people on the whole are kind and generous. But those are fading feelings. They fade into greed and desire for power. Those emotions call out to the Darkness and it corrupts them. And once they step into the Darkness, that person is lost and a new one is created. And that person only has their aspirations in mind. People from Light can cross to the Dark Realm and not become a slave to the Darkness. It's just a matter of how strong your Heart is." Axel ended with a bitter tone. With a head toss and a sigh, he continued. "Twilight is a place between both of these Realms, a sort of no-mans land that creatures of the Dark and people of Light pass through when going between Realms. Those of the Light are Complete, with Hearts, Bodies and Souls and those of the Dark only have Hearts. So, people of Twilight are just what are left over when Darkness claims a victim. We can't live in the Light because we lack Hearts but we also can't live in the Dark because we lack Hearts. It's a losing game anyway you look at it."

"I know why Nobodies can't live in the Light, it's because we aren't Complete. But why can't we live in the Dark?"

"Think about it, Roxas. Darkness seeks a Heart. We don't have one. We can't make the decision to accept our deepest desires; therefore Darkness will have nothing to do with us. We just have to make a place in the world for ourselves, not try to fit into what was already here."

"All right, so we Nobodies are just a Body and a Soul. But isn't that something? How can you say we don't exist?"

"Because without Hearts we have no way of possessing Light or Dark. And what is the world made of? Light and Dark. Having a Heart, even one corrupted by Darkness, is the only way to be, Roxas. We haven't got one, so we aren't. We're stuck in a world of Nothing because we can't make a choice."

"What about Souls?"

"No one really knows about Souls. It's easy to know about Hearts and Bodies; everyone agrees that we've got them. But Souls are a different case. People of the Light argue that Souls aren't real because no one can see them. They say Souls are more of an idea than a part of a person. People of the Dark don't care. All they need is a Heart with desire. I think Twilight beings are closer to the Soul; it's the next best thing to a Heart. Souls are like a less evolved form of the Heart. You can't feel with it but you can still think with it. If we didn't have Souls, we'd be like the Heartless, the creatures of the dark. We'd be living on basic instinct. But with our Souls, we're able to set goals for ourselves. Like Larxene and Xemnas. Both of them have a set goal in their Souls; they want to become Complete." He stopped and glanced at Roxas. "Am I boring you yet?"

"No, not yet. So, Nobodies, they can't feel at all?"

"Haven't we already covered that? What's so great about feeling anyway? It clouds how you think and stops you from reaching your goal."

"But how are you supposed to enjoy reaching that goal if you can't feel happy about something?"

Axel stood and looked down the Corridor. "Happiness is just a word used in the Light Realm, Roxas. It has no merit in the other parts of the world. You're about to see a world of Nothing. Maybe then you'll understand. Come on, let's walk."

Roxas stood and walked next to Axel. They were silent for a few moments, both caught up in their thoughts. Roxas finally broke the silence. "There's still something I don't understand. How can we have friends if we don't have Hearts? Isn't love an emotion?"

Axel laughed and shook his head. "Roxas. Love is the most complicated thing in this world to understand. It's unpredictable and changing. I'm not the one to try and explain Love to you." A small opening appeared a few feet away from them. "Look's like this is the end. Ready to see Twilight?"

"Does it matter? I have no Heart. I can't make decisions." Roxas replied, stepping towards the opening.

"That's the spirit, Roxie. You're finally thinking like a Nobody." Axel said while joining Roxas at the mouth of the opening. "After you."

Roxas stepped through the opening, trying to absorb the idea of Nothing. "Even if I am a Nobody, just a Soul and Body, I know I am. I have to be. If I don't exist, how can I walk or talk?" The voiceless words were lost in the mouth of the Corridor as the Darkness was replaced with Nothingness of the world beyond the Corridor.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"This world is where all the Nobodies live. It's right in the middle of Twilight, neither in the Realm of Light or Dark. Have a look around, Roxas. Maybe some more memories will come back." Axel said while heading towards a large building. "I'll be here at Memory's Skyscraper. When you're done, we'll go have a visit with the Organization. Bet they want to see you, after all this time."

"Somehow I doubt that." Roxas said, looking at the large Skyscraper. It was light blue, with what appeared to be ocean waves painted on it. Around the base of the building were music notes and various instruments. The front of the building had a large picture of a sitar, with broken hearts floating around it. As Roxas watched it closely, he saw that the other sides were moving. Each side had a continuing movie playing, starring a young man with blonde hair and a large smile. A woman approached the man, and they fell into a deep embrace. It faded into the man being approached by a group holding a large sitar. As the man accepted the sitar, it quickly changed to a concert where the man played the sitar, causing the audience to applaud loudly. As the concert ended, it was replaced by the group handing the man a slip of paper and the man crumpling to the floor with sorrow. In the final scene the young man drown the woman from the beginning, playing once more on the sitar as her body floated out to sea. With the ending chords beginning to fade, the young man stepped into a portal of Darkness. At the other side of the portal, two figures stepped out each holding the large sitar. One figure looked just as the young man had before he stepped in, while the other was shadowed and hazy. Both looked towards each other and nodded, walking off in opposite directions. The movie ended then, and began to replay.

After it ended, Roxas looked around at him. It appeared to be early evening, as there was no sunlight and yet he could still easily see. There were houses around him, but they looked insubstantial, almost like a memory. He walked up to one and ran his hand across it, half expecting it to vanish with his touch. Instead, his hand went straight through it, as if it were a projection. "What the…"

"There's no point in touching them, you know. They aren't real." Axel called towards him from the Skyscraper. "They're just memories, The Superior's memories in fact. All of this is. Since he's the boss, he got to design. Except for the Skyscraper, that's not his."

"The Superior?"

Axel gave him a shocked look. "Don't tell me you don't remember who The Superior is! That's Xemnas. You know, our Boss?"

Roxas dumbly nodded, remembering Xemnas but not willing to call him his Boss. "You said the Skyscraper isn't his. Whose is it, then?"

"All of ours. It's like a combination of all the memories of our past selves. Except yours of course, you didn't have any memories to contribute. Or maybe you didn't want to. Beats me. Anyway, every hour, it changes to reflect a member's memories. Right now, it's on Demyx's life. Pretty boring memories, if you ask me."

"Demyx?" Roxas asked, inspecting another fake building.

"Number 9, the Melodious Nocturne. He keeps to himself a lot and would do anything to help out Xemnas. I've never talked to him that much before, seeing he's Water and I'm Fire. If we fought, I'd be toast." Roxas could faintly hear Axel's laugh as he continued to inspect the town. He tentatively walked down an alleyway, unsure of what it would hold. He knew not to fear his surrounding, as they were memories, but the thought of meeting another member made him anxious. He could not remember much about them, which made him uneasy. If he were to meet one now, without Axel near by to help, they could- and would if it fit their plans, easily kill him.

Still, Roxas walked down the alley, looking at the buildings and wondering about them. Was this Xemnas' hometown that he was seeing? Or was it just some town he had come across while he was still in the Light? As curious as he was, Roxas hoped he never got the opportunity to ask him.

Roxas turned another corner, his eyes watching a sign on a building that blinked "Items" in neon lights. In front of him, a shadow scurried across the ground, zigzagging its way closer to Roxas. Roxas took no notice of the shadow, still caught up wondering about what this town really was. The shadow continued to move closer, until it was feet from Roxas. It rose up from the ground, claws outstretched, reaching for Roxas. "Watch it!" Someone yelled towards Roxas, alerting him to the shadow's presence. Roxas quickly fell back, the shadows claws grazing his shoulders.

Roxas screamed and scrambled back away from the shadow, confused by the shout and by the shadow. Before he could scream again, the shadow was hit by a large water clone and dissolved back into the ground. Roxas fell back, breathing hard, wondering exactly what that thing was. "You ok?" Roxas heard someone call, but was unable to reply. He felt footsteps coming towards him and he shut his eyes, willing for them to turn away. But still they came, and a figure stooped down to his level, lightly poking his shoulder. Roxas groaned and opened one eye, quickly shutting it again.

"C'mon, wake up! It was just a Shadow, quit being such a baby." The figure said, jostling Roxas' shoulders. Roxas began to breathe faster, fearing the man before him. He kept his eyes shut and his body tense, ready to react at any time. He felt the figure rise and sigh. "Man… and they say I'm the weak one. Hah. The way Roxas is acting, he…"

"You know me?" Roxas interrupted, daring to crack an eye to watch for the man's response.

"Sure do. You're Roxas, number 13, The Key of Destiny." The man gave a small half-smile and giggled. "Xemnas is pretty angry at you, you know. I'd watch my back if I were you, O Mighty Keyblader."

Roxas' eyes narrowed. "All right, so you know me. But who are you?"

"I'm Demyx. It's amazing how quickly I'm forgotten…" Demyx sighed, raising a hand in front of his face, but quickly bringing it down with a large grin.

Roxas stood and faced the newly identified Demyx. He recalled the Skyscraper and closely looked at the man before him. It had to be true; both the man on the Skyscraper and the man in front of him had the same blonde hair, cut short in the front, but long in the back and the same light blue eyes. Convinced and curious about his attacker, Roxas' eyes drifted to the spot where he was ambushed. "What was that thing?"

Demyx gave Roxas a long, hard glance and shook his head. "What did they do to you, Roxas?"

Roxas kept his eyes locked on the spot, certain that a gaze would give away his past to Demyx. Roxas was uncertain whether he could trust him. "I asked you first."

"So? Mine's more important. You go away, and come back knowing nothing. I think that warrants a story or two."

"Look, I don't have to tell you anything. My past is my own, got it?"

Demyx held up his hands in surrender and took a step back. "All right, Keyblader. Don't go crazy on me. Man, try to show some concern and what do you get? Nothing. Absolutely no respect. Apparently the Mighty Keyblader lost his manners with his last disappearance."

"And could you stop calling me 'Keyblader?' I haven't got a Keyblade. I'm not even certain what a Keyblade _is_." Roxas turned away, intent on going back to the Skyscraper. "Anyway, if you're not going to answer me, then I'll go to someone who will."

"Ah, yes. Run away, run away and hide behind Axel." A cool smile was plastered on Demyx face. " He's gotta protect his little Roxie."

Roxas stopped in mid step and turned, anger spread across on his face. "Will you quit it? All you do is mock me!"

"It's only because you're so easy to mock. Go on now. Go see Axel. He's not a patient guy, you know and I know he's just been dying to be with you." With a quick wave and an icy smile, Demyx stepped backwards into a Corridor.

Roxas scowled and walked away, trying to suppress images of him beating Demyx to a pulp. And yet as he pictured them, the thoughts soothed him in a morbid way. Picturing Demyx no longer jeering him but begging him for mercy caused him to smile. The rage felt good, but the power he had in the mental image felt even better.


End file.
